11 Reasons To Tip Your Waiter With More Than “Don’t Eat Yellow Snow”

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  • Because funnily enough being a waiter isn’t their career goal, it isn’t even their backup plan. Those people that serve you~ they’ve all got insane talents. Some fire throw, some belt Broadway show tunes, some tap dance, and the lucky few can even handstand like there’s no tomorrow. They are the Frankie Valli’s, Patsy Cline’s, and Spike Jones’s of their era just waiting to capitalize on your tips, and erupt around the world.
  • At the beginning of the meal I give your child crayons and a smile. Upon clearing the table, all that remains is colourful shavings from your woodchuck in training. Don’t think of it as a tip, consider it a deposit on the art supplies.
  • Because I spent a lot of time distracting your Mother-In-Law with the specials, so she didn’t notice the fresh ink on your left arm.
  • I just missed my last bus because of your heart to heart. Surely you could spare a little taxi money.
  • Have you ever gone on a food shop on £6.21 an hour? Tinned cold cuts and cabbage were made for waiters.
  • Your gluten aversion, that shellfish allergy. Your life, my hands. 50 pence doesn’t seem so steep now does it?
  • Couldn’t find the lint roller, so I spent the better half of thirty minutes rolling double-sided tape around my collared shirt in a halfhearted attempt to look presentable for you (and your tips).
  • Because I laughed at all your jokes. Even the one about the man and the bar.
  • I have neither dreadlocks, nor ink, nor obscene facial piercings, nor anything remotely impressive to the average noughties twenty something. Please compensate my social losses with remote financial stability.
  • Who was that handing you loo roll under that stall door in the ladies?
  • Because I didn’t point and laugh when you repeatedly use the wrong cutlery. Well trained in the dark art of tolerance and biting my tongue, I simply bring you more. For future reference~ outside in, and a steak knife isn’t necessary for buttering your roll.
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1 Comment

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One response to “11 Reasons To Tip Your Waiter With More Than “Don’t Eat Yellow Snow”

  1. julie conway

    Well said. For all you waiters out there, I always have a soft spot in my heart and a wad of cash for a tip.

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